The Oscars
Feb. 24th, 2008 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumineaux8:31 p.m. I've got popcorn. I've got iced tea. I've got snark. I also think I have the flu. But I am undeterred. Bring 'em on.
Well, it was a very red Oscar telecast with a lot of unnecessarily big jewelry and boobage decoration. I've blown a huge number of my cell minutes for this month, but it was worth it. To all those reading along at home, a good night.
8:33 p.m. Viggo has regrown the Aragorn beard. Why does Penelope Cruz have fur growing out of her cleavage? math5clearly has set a fashion trend by holding things up her with boobs.
8:36 p.m. Six minutes before the first Jack Nicholson shot. Dang, I have lost the office pool.
8:37 p.m. Did the writer of Juno intend to look like a villainess from Cleopatra 2525?
8:42 p.m. The winner for best costume design seems to have raped my grandmother's couch for her her dress.
We are now joined bykatnbootsfor continued color commentary via phone.
8:52 p.m. Anne Hathaway apparently has been attacked by some sort of climbing vine. Or possibly it's a wardrobe failure hastily fixed in the garden.
9:04 p.m. That was one creepy ass commercial with the strange wandering eye. Advertising tip: if your commercial makes my skin crawl, I'm not inclined to buy your product.
9:05 p.m. katnboots proposes that Jack Nicholson host some year, since they always cut to him anyway.
9:07 p.m. Maybe all Oscars telecasts should be prepared on short notice. John Stewart is pretty darn funny this year. Then again, his particular style of humor appeals to my sense of snark.
9:08 p.m. We approve of the Golden Compass winning best special effects.
9:10 p.m. I don't know about Cate Blanchett's dress. Having the hem look shorter in front than in back makes it look as though they weren't planning for her to be pregnant. Quoth katnboots: Galadriel is having a baby elf!
9:18 p.m. Javier Bardem wins Best Supporting Actor. I'm surprised they didn't go with Hal Holbrook, given how much Oscar loves the lifetime achievement award.
9:23 p.m. Oscar's salute to binoculars and periscopes was far more entertaining than most real montages.
9:24 p.m. Keri Russell needs to eat some cheeseburgers.
9:26 p.m. The choir has hand gestures. I'm reminded of Liam doing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."
9:38 p.m. Tilda Swenson, a.k.a. Vampira, Queen of the Damned, has just won Best Supporting Actress. Really pale scrawny women should not wear black sheath dresses, unless they are also wearing long red nails and sucking out the souls of the unwary.
9:44 p.m. Jessica Alba is yet another preg-senter. And again with the boobage boa. Is this a clever ploy to conceal the actual size of her cleavage? She did the technical awards presentation, which must have been geek heaven. The first sign of desperation: a Jack Nicholson sex joke.
9:46 p.m. James MacAvoy's accent is swoon-worthy. In the course of swooning, I pull the ear piece out of the cell phone. I need more experience swooning.
9:50 p.m. Montage alert! Oh wait, not a montage: a salute to the accountants who count the ballots. I find the choice of music interesting, as for most people it will evoke a chase in a Warner Bros' cartoon. The only possible reason to be an accountant is to count the Oscar ballots.
9:53 p.m. katnboots squees in delight as Glinda sings "That's How You Know"
9:55 p.m. Quoth katnboots re: the production number: "This particular set of costumes is like the Village People times thirty." Kristen Chenoweth is wearing enormously high heels. How short must she be? According to oaken_glen, she's 4' 11"
9:57 p.m. We need to start counting red dresses. We've counted off at least 5 so far. I approve of red dresses
9:59 p.m. We also need to start a boobage decoration count. I've counted three so far: Penelope Cruz, Jessica Alba, Ann Hathaway.
10:09 p.m. Helen Mirren and Forrest Whittaker are both several different kinds of awesome.
10:10 p.m. I love Cate Blanchett's grimace at watching the clip of herself. It's so human.
10:13 p.m. Marion Cotillard wins Best Actress. With her mermaid dress. Forrest Whittaker says her name as if he has the slightest clue how to speak French. The words "You rock my life" said in a French accent are hi-larious.
10:18 p.m. katnboots points out that Colin Farrell has enormous eyebrows. They are indeed creepy werewolf eyebrows. Which brings me back to that odd commercial from a few seconds ago. Another advertising tip: If your commercial makes me say, "what the hell was that?!" I'm also not likely to buy your product.
10:23 p.m. Montage alert!
10:28 p.m. Renee Zellwegger has very small boobage decoration, but she does seem to be storing extra nuts in her cheeks for the long winter.
10:31 p.m. Quote katnboots re: Nicole Kidman's necklace: "It's like house icicles!" "It's as if she was riding her motorcylce too fast and got caught in a passing string of house icicle lights!"
10:32 p.m. Who cares exactly what it is a production designer does? Well, other than production designers and their families. Oh, a production designer is getting an honorary Oscar. Okay, the old dude is pretty droll.
10:36 p.m. Helen Mirren's dress is red and is also teh awesome. That brings the red dress count in the Oscar ceremony itself up to 6. If we count commercials, it's higher. Red is also teh awesome.
10:40 p.m. Re: the Mastercard commercial. Me: "The notion of my kitchen frolicking in my absence disturbs me." katnboots: "If one book is reading another, is that like book sex?"
10:41 p.m. If each woman is a goddess, what do you want to be goddess of? I think I'd like to be goddess of snark. Katnboots wants to be the goddess of shooting things out her hands.
10:42 p.m. Penelope Cruz is furry and shiny. Her dress has not only boob fur, it has butt fur. Really, who thought this dress was a good idea? Penelope Cruz is a lovely woman. Who looks at her and thinks "I want to put her in a dress that has fur sprouting out her butt"?
10:46 p.m. Why are the dancers in the Enchanted song bit dressed like Centauri? And, if you're going to dress them like Centauri, why not go all the way and do the hair too? That would be amazing, although admittedly for a very small audience.
10:47 p.m. This song is going to be butchered by thousands of American Idol entrants for years to come. Quoth katnboots: "Somewhere, Simon is already hanging is head in his hands."
10:51 p.m. Was she wearing combat boots? Oh, I hope so.
10:59 p.m. Cameron Diaz does nothing to refute my impression of her as a Barbie Doll animated by black magic.
11:01 p.m. It's the dead folks montage. And Hilary Swank has another entry in boobage decor.
11:04 p.m. Suzanne Pleshette and Deborah Kerr win the dead people applause meter, with Ingmar Bergman and Heath Ledger coming in close seconds.
11:12 p.m. I can't decide whether having the military guys do the documentary award presentation from Bagdad is cool or cheesy. Sigh. With the subsequent documentary feature topics being heavily skewed towards the war, I'm tending towards cheesy.
11:14 p.m. The documentary short subject winners' dresses are . . . interesting. I can't look too closely at the one without getting motion sick (katnboots dubs it the "drunken Zebra" look), and the other has a certain "Star Trek alien" vibe to it.
11:25 p.m. Somewhere there is a cheetah that just could not run fast enough to escape being turned into a nightgown. Diablo Cody scares me. Deeply. Deeply.
11:27 p.m. The pace of the commercials has stepped up. We must be getting close to an end. At least I hope we are, because I do have to go to work tomorrow.
11:34 p.m. Daniel Day Lewis wins Best Actor. His date looks like she came directly from a gift-wrapping debacle, what with the enormous boobage decor and ribbons.
11:36 p.m. Only Best Director and Best Picture left to go. I'm holding my eyes open by sheer force of will at the moment.
11:42 p.m. The Coen Brothers win Best Director(s), which is probably well deserved. I feel out of the loop for not having seen any of the Best Picture nominees.
Not much snark left to be had now that we are down to the wire and tired.
11:44 p.m. Unsurprisingly, No Country for Old Men wins Best Picture. Once the Best Director was announced, that was pretty much a shoe-in.
math5clearly has set a fashion trend by holding things up her with boobs. 8:36 p.m. Six minutes before the first Jack Nicholson shot. Dang, I have lost the office pool.
8:37 p.m. Did the writer of Juno intend to look like a villainess from Cleopatra 2525?
8:42 p.m. The winner for best costume design seems to have raped my grandmother's couch for her her dress.
We are now joined by
katnbootsfor continued color commentary via phone. 8:52 p.m. Anne Hathaway apparently has been attacked by some sort of climbing vine. Or possibly it's a wardrobe failure hastily fixed in the garden.
9:04 p.m. That was one creepy ass commercial with the strange wandering eye. Advertising tip: if your commercial makes my skin crawl, I'm not inclined to buy your product.
9:05 p.m. katnboots proposes that Jack Nicholson host some year, since they always cut to him anyway.
9:07 p.m. Maybe all Oscars telecasts should be prepared on short notice. John Stewart is pretty darn funny this year. Then again, his particular style of humor appeals to my sense of snark.
9:08 p.m. We approve of the Golden Compass winning best special effects.
9:10 p.m. I don't know about Cate Blanchett's dress. Having the hem look shorter in front than in back makes it look as though they weren't planning for her to be pregnant. Quoth katnboots: Galadriel is having a baby elf!
9:18 p.m. Javier Bardem wins Best Supporting Actor. I'm surprised they didn't go with Hal Holbrook, given how much Oscar loves the lifetime achievement award.
9:23 p.m. Oscar's salute to binoculars and periscopes was far more entertaining than most real montages.
9:24 p.m. Keri Russell needs to eat some cheeseburgers.
9:26 p.m. The choir has hand gestures. I'm reminded of Liam doing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."
9:38 p.m. Tilda Swenson, a.k.a. Vampira, Queen of the Damned, has just won Best Supporting Actress. Really pale scrawny women should not wear black sheath dresses, unless they are also wearing long red nails and sucking out the souls of the unwary.
9:44 p.m. Jessica Alba is yet another preg-senter. And again with the boobage boa. Is this a clever ploy to conceal the actual size of her cleavage? She did the technical awards presentation, which must have been geek heaven. The first sign of desperation: a Jack Nicholson sex joke.
9:46 p.m. James MacAvoy's accent is swoon-worthy. In the course of swooning, I pull the ear piece out of the cell phone. I need more experience swooning.
9:50 p.m. Montage alert! Oh wait, not a montage: a salute to the accountants who count the ballots. I find the choice of music interesting, as for most people it will evoke a chase in a Warner Bros' cartoon. The only possible reason to be an accountant is to count the Oscar ballots.
9:53 p.m. katnboots squees in delight as Glinda sings "That's How You Know"
9:55 p.m. Quoth katnboots re: the production number: "This particular set of costumes is like the Village People times thirty." Kristen Chenoweth is wearing enormously high heels. How short must she be? According to oaken_glen, she's 4' 11"
9:57 p.m. We need to start counting red dresses. We've counted off at least 5 so far. I approve of red dresses
9:59 p.m. We also need to start a boobage decoration count. I've counted three so far: Penelope Cruz, Jessica Alba, Ann Hathaway.
10:09 p.m. Helen Mirren and Forrest Whittaker are both several different kinds of awesome.
10:10 p.m. I love Cate Blanchett's grimace at watching the clip of herself. It's so human.
10:13 p.m. Marion Cotillard wins Best Actress. With her mermaid dress. Forrest Whittaker says her name as if he has the slightest clue how to speak French. The words "You rock my life" said in a French accent are hi-larious.
10:18 p.m. katnboots points out that Colin Farrell has enormous eyebrows. They are indeed creepy werewolf eyebrows. Which brings me back to that odd commercial from a few seconds ago. Another advertising tip: If your commercial makes me say, "what the hell was that?!" I'm also not likely to buy your product.
10:23 p.m. Montage alert!
10:28 p.m. Renee Zellwegger has very small boobage decoration, but she does seem to be storing extra nuts in her cheeks for the long winter.
10:31 p.m. Quote katnboots re: Nicole Kidman's necklace: "It's like house icicles!" "It's as if she was riding her motorcylce too fast and got caught in a passing string of house icicle lights!"
10:32 p.m. Who cares exactly what it is a production designer does? Well, other than production designers and their families. Oh, a production designer is getting an honorary Oscar. Okay, the old dude is pretty droll.
10:36 p.m. Helen Mirren's dress is red and is also teh awesome. That brings the red dress count in the Oscar ceremony itself up to 6. If we count commercials, it's higher. Red is also teh awesome.
10:40 p.m. Re: the Mastercard commercial. Me: "The notion of my kitchen frolicking in my absence disturbs me." katnboots: "If one book is reading another, is that like book sex?"
10:41 p.m. If each woman is a goddess, what do you want to be goddess of? I think I'd like to be goddess of snark. Katnboots wants to be the goddess of shooting things out her hands.
10:42 p.m. Penelope Cruz is furry and shiny. Her dress has not only boob fur, it has butt fur. Really, who thought this dress was a good idea? Penelope Cruz is a lovely woman. Who looks at her and thinks "I want to put her in a dress that has fur sprouting out her butt"?
10:46 p.m. Why are the dancers in the Enchanted song bit dressed like Centauri? And, if you're going to dress them like Centauri, why not go all the way and do the hair too? That would be amazing, although admittedly for a very small audience.
10:47 p.m. This song is going to be butchered by thousands of American Idol entrants for years to come. Quoth katnboots: "Somewhere, Simon is already hanging is head in his hands."
10:51 p.m. Was she wearing combat boots? Oh, I hope so.
10:59 p.m. Cameron Diaz does nothing to refute my impression of her as a Barbie Doll animated by black magic.
11:01 p.m. It's the dead folks montage. And Hilary Swank has another entry in boobage decor.
11:04 p.m. Suzanne Pleshette and Deborah Kerr win the dead people applause meter, with Ingmar Bergman and Heath Ledger coming in close seconds.
11:12 p.m. I can't decide whether having the military guys do the documentary award presentation from Bagdad is cool or cheesy. Sigh. With the subsequent documentary feature topics being heavily skewed towards the war, I'm tending towards cheesy.
11:14 p.m. The documentary short subject winners' dresses are . . . interesting. I can't look too closely at the one without getting motion sick (katnboots dubs it the "drunken Zebra" look), and the other has a certain "Star Trek alien" vibe to it.
11:25 p.m. Somewhere there is a cheetah that just could not run fast enough to escape being turned into a nightgown. Diablo Cody scares me. Deeply. Deeply.
11:27 p.m. The pace of the commercials has stepped up. We must be getting close to an end. At least I hope we are, because I do have to go to work tomorrow.
11:34 p.m. Daniel Day Lewis wins Best Actor. His date looks like she came directly from a gift-wrapping debacle, what with the enormous boobage decor and ribbons.
11:36 p.m. Only Best Director and Best Picture left to go. I'm holding my eyes open by sheer force of will at the moment.
11:42 p.m. The Coen Brothers win Best Director(s), which is probably well deserved. I feel out of the loop for not having seen any of the Best Picture nominees.
Not much snark left to be had now that we are down to the wire and tired.
11:44 p.m. Unsurprisingly, No Country for Old Men wins Best Picture. Once the Best Director was announced, that was pretty much a shoe-in.
Well, it was a very red Oscar telecast with a lot of unnecessarily big jewelry and boobage decoration. I've blown a huge number of my cell minutes for this month, but it was worth it. To all those reading along at home, a good night.
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Date: 2008-02-25 01:35 am (UTC)You?
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Date: 2008-02-25 01:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 01:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 07:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 02:05 am (UTC)almost
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Date: 2008-02-25 02:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 02:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 03:02 am (UTC)It's not an Oscar ceremony until a winner mentions rubber nipples.
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Date: 2008-02-25 03:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 03:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 03:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-25 12:52 pm (UTC)http://www.myspace.com/diablocody
http://diablocody.blogspot.com/
http://blogs.citypages.com/dcody/
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Date: 2008-02-25 01:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-26 12:57 am (UTC)If you have to pick a Best Picture nominee to see - pick Juno. Great snark from beginning to end. And smart funny, not stupid funny.
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Date: 2008-02-26 12:58 am (UTC)