Oscars 2012
Feb. 26th, 2012 08:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumineaux*cracks knuckles over keyboard* With 17 minutes to go, we have cookies, we have stuff to drink, and we are full to the brimming with snark. Everyone ready?
And Sean is first up on the scoreboard here at Mt. Mackyntoich: "Is it possible that Sandra Bullock is slowly changing into Joan Rivers?"
What shall this evening's drinking game be? Unfortunately here at Mt. Mackyntoich we are slightly limited in our booze intake, so the drinking game will be carried out with non-alcoholic libations. And Engracia, the house liver, has declined. But I think we should all drink whenever George Clooney appears or is mentioned. On the other hand, George Clooney is very nice to look at and a Clooney-based drinking game might put people under the table.
Thanks for the link to the bar-cam, T! I really do think they should allow booze at the Oscars the same way they do at the Golden Globes.
Oh dear God, there's going to be a Cirque du Soleil piece tonight. It will either be as phenomenally bizarre as a dream inspired by a combo of absinthe and peyote, or it will suck out loud.
It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights . . .
8:30 And we start off with Morgan Freeman, because why the hell not
8:32 I suppose it would help if I had seen a single one of these movies. Because . . . not laughing yet.
8:36 Yawn.
8:37 OK, Warhorse to the theme from Mr. Ed made me laugh.
8:43 Cinematography starts off the awards. And old Jesus in a tux wins. Hearing him talk, I now wonder if old Jesus in a tux is really a time-traveling Alexandre from 2050 . . .
8:47 One terribly bizarre JC Penney commercial. Bizarre but dull. Can we please have some truly out there crazy to sustain us through the travails to come?
8:51 I never thought I would say this, but Crystal's timing is horrible tonight.
8:52 Minus lots of points for showing "Twilight" in the montage. The themeless montage.
8:54 BINGO! And JLo fulfills our need for fug tonight, wearing a dress apparently made out of an opaline vacuum cleaner tube. I swear I can make that dress as a costume on City of Heroes.
8:56 Oh the shoulder cut outs. I swoon for the sheer spectacular craziness of JLo's dress.
9:01 I so want to be Helen Mirren when I grow up.
9:05 Hate Sandra's hair. The dress is sort of OK. I would lose the shoulder doo-dads which look way too much like she's a South American dictator.
9:07 "A Separation" from Iran wins the best foreign language film category. I'm told by people who know about such things that it is a truly exceptional movie that deserved to win. And the film-maker managed to be political and classy at the same time.
9:09 I looooooooove Christian Bale's natural accent.
9:12 Octavia Spenser wins for "The Help" and gets a standing ovation. I guess people like her.
9:13 They counted the time for the standing ovation against her? Fuckers.
9:23 I don't get Tina Fey's dress. No woman looks good with a butt buttress.
9:23 And now a minute or so in which we strive to make the dull job of film editing seem exciting. Is there a dearth of film editors in Hollywood now? Are they recruiting?
9:26 In a first, the move with the biggest explosions does not win the sound editing award.
9:28 I sense a Scorsese/Hugo sweep gathering steam.
9:36 To quote Evil Willow, "Bored now." But the Cirque du Soleil thing is turning out to be full of hallucinatory goodness.
9:39 Christopher Plummer is NOT AMUSED.
9:42 Gwenyth and RDJr play off their Iron Man chemistry very nicely. Gwennie's dress is just dullish. Why all the white/silver this year?
9:45 What the hell did Chris Rock do to his hair?
9:45 Chris Rock scores the first real belly laugh of the night.
9:47 "Rango" wins best animated feature.
9:53 Emma Stone: The BOW oh my God the BOW. It . . . LIIIIIIIIVES And apparently some sort of peculiar split up the middle of the top.
9:55 Andy Serkis is consistently being robbed of an Oscar for his work as the basis for the motion capture.
9:56 Another Hugo win.
9:59 The inexplicable sequin shortage in California is explained the moment Melissa Leo steps onto the stage.
10:00 Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Actor, no surprise there. Oscar loves its lifetime achievement awards. Gracie questions the velvet tux, but Sean correctly points out that Christopher FUCKING Plummer can wear whatever he wants.
10:02 Christopher Plummer should be permitted to talk as long as he wants to. He's the most damn entertaining thing on this show so far, and he speaks exquisite French.
10:08 Billy, what they are all thinking is that you used to be better at this.
10:09 Nick Nolte looks like crap. And, apparently, a zombie. Sean thinks he looks like an undead Kenny Rogers.
10:12 Penelope Cruz's dress is a great color. Not sure about the skirt, but the whole package really works.
10:16 Yep. Still hate Will Ferrell.
10:18 What a said state of affairs for movie song-writing. And those poor cymbals.
10:19 The guy who wrote the Muppet songs is adorable. Can we keep listening to him instead of the rest of this show?
10:22 Loves me some Hulu aliens.
10:24 The Great Goddess Morticia (aka Angelina Jolie) does not disappoint. That awful constructed bodice. That slit that allows the entire audience to give her a pap smear. Those undead dark eyes.
10:27 Yep, these guys come from a comedy troupe.
10:32 Adam Sandler; dude; you're letting out pieces of yourself? Clearly from the wrong damn end of the body.
10:36 The great tradition of sending attractive women to present the awards to the geeks continues. This year they got Milla Jojojojojovich
10:38 Why the brown dresses? Ugh. and double ugh. I hate Melissa McCarthy's dress in particular.
10:45 Bored bored boredy boredy boredy bored
10:50 Michael Douglas looks like he's recovered from the cancer quite nicely. Good for him.
10:53 Michel Hazanavicius pulls off an upset, beating out Scorsese for the Best Director. I'm pleased for the fact that a non-traditional project won. But I have a sentimental affection for Scorsese.
11:06 Adding insult to injury, LJ keeps throwing me out and crashing. This is just . . . excruciatingly dull. There's nothing to snark on because there's no meat of any kind here. It's just unutterably bland.
11:13 Natalie Portman looks 12.
11:14 Clooney movie clips! Drink!
11:19 Dude from the Artist wins Best Actor and I just don't give a crap. I'm doing this now only out of a sense of completeness.
11;29 A lifetime achievement award for Meryl Streep who seems so wonderfully grounded about the whole damn thing.
11:34 In a lifetime of doing profoundly boring things, this year's Oscar telecast is one of the most boring things I've ever sat through. I've mentally wandered off for at least the last hour (not helped by LJ's lack of cooperation). And I couldn't care about any of the nominees for Best Picture if my life depended on it.
11:35 The Artist wins Best Picture. Yawn. Time for bed.
Aaaaaand that sucked.
Well, thanks for joining me for this long crappy slog of a night. Even our formidable powers of snark were no match for the complete awfulness of this year's Oscars. Let's all hope for better material next year.
And Sean is first up on the scoreboard here at Mt. Mackyntoich: "Is it possible that Sandra Bullock is slowly changing into Joan Rivers?"
What shall this evening's drinking game be? Unfortunately here at Mt. Mackyntoich we are slightly limited in our booze intake, so the drinking game will be carried out with non-alcoholic libations. And Engracia, the house liver, has declined. But I think we should all drink whenever George Clooney appears or is mentioned. On the other hand, George Clooney is very nice to look at and a Clooney-based drinking game might put people under the table.
Thanks for the link to the bar-cam, T! I really do think they should allow booze at the Oscars the same way they do at the Golden Globes.
Oh dear God, there's going to be a Cirque du Soleil piece tonight. It will either be as phenomenally bizarre as a dream inspired by a combo of absinthe and peyote, or it will suck out loud.
It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights . . .
8:30 And we start off with Morgan Freeman, because why the hell not
8:32 I suppose it would help if I had seen a single one of these movies. Because . . . not laughing yet.
8:36 Yawn.
8:37 OK, Warhorse to the theme from Mr. Ed made me laugh.
8:43 Cinematography starts off the awards. And old Jesus in a tux wins. Hearing him talk, I now wonder if old Jesus in a tux is really a time-traveling Alexandre from 2050 . . .
8:47 One terribly bizarre JC Penney commercial. Bizarre but dull. Can we please have some truly out there crazy to sustain us through the travails to come?
8:51 I never thought I would say this, but Crystal's timing is horrible tonight.
8:52 Minus lots of points for showing "Twilight" in the montage. The themeless montage.
8:54 BINGO! And JLo fulfills our need for fug tonight, wearing a dress apparently made out of an opaline vacuum cleaner tube. I swear I can make that dress as a costume on City of Heroes.
8:56 Oh the shoulder cut outs. I swoon for the sheer spectacular craziness of JLo's dress.
9:01 I so want to be Helen Mirren when I grow up.
9:05 Hate Sandra's hair. The dress is sort of OK. I would lose the shoulder doo-dads which look way too much like she's a South American dictator.
9:07 "A Separation" from Iran wins the best foreign language film category. I'm told by people who know about such things that it is a truly exceptional movie that deserved to win. And the film-maker managed to be political and classy at the same time.
9:09 I looooooooove Christian Bale's natural accent.
9:12 Octavia Spenser wins for "The Help" and gets a standing ovation. I guess people like her.
9:13 They counted the time for the standing ovation against her? Fuckers.
9:23 I don't get Tina Fey's dress. No woman looks good with a butt buttress.
9:23 And now a minute or so in which we strive to make the dull job of film editing seem exciting. Is there a dearth of film editors in Hollywood now? Are they recruiting?
9:26 In a first, the move with the biggest explosions does not win the sound editing award.
9:28 I sense a Scorsese/Hugo sweep gathering steam.
9:36 To quote Evil Willow, "Bored now." But the Cirque du Soleil thing is turning out to be full of hallucinatory goodness.
9:39 Christopher Plummer is NOT AMUSED.
9:42 Gwenyth and RDJr play off their Iron Man chemistry very nicely. Gwennie's dress is just dullish. Why all the white/silver this year?
9:45 What the hell did Chris Rock do to his hair?
9:45 Chris Rock scores the first real belly laugh of the night.
9:47 "Rango" wins best animated feature.
9:53 Emma Stone: The BOW oh my God the BOW. It . . . LIIIIIIIIVES And apparently some sort of peculiar split up the middle of the top.
9:55 Andy Serkis is consistently being robbed of an Oscar for his work as the basis for the motion capture.
9:56 Another Hugo win.
9:59 The inexplicable sequin shortage in California is explained the moment Melissa Leo steps onto the stage.
10:00 Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Actor, no surprise there. Oscar loves its lifetime achievement awards. Gracie questions the velvet tux, but Sean correctly points out that Christopher FUCKING Plummer can wear whatever he wants.
10:02 Christopher Plummer should be permitted to talk as long as he wants to. He's the most damn entertaining thing on this show so far, and he speaks exquisite French.
10:08 Billy, what they are all thinking is that you used to be better at this.
10:09 Nick Nolte looks like crap. And, apparently, a zombie. Sean thinks he looks like an undead Kenny Rogers.
10:12 Penelope Cruz's dress is a great color. Not sure about the skirt, but the whole package really works.
10:16 Yep. Still hate Will Ferrell.
10:18 What a said state of affairs for movie song-writing. And those poor cymbals.
10:19 The guy who wrote the Muppet songs is adorable. Can we keep listening to him instead of the rest of this show?
10:22 Loves me some Hulu aliens.
10:24 The Great Goddess Morticia (aka Angelina Jolie) does not disappoint. That awful constructed bodice. That slit that allows the entire audience to give her a pap smear. Those undead dark eyes.
10:27 Yep, these guys come from a comedy troupe.
10:32 Adam Sandler; dude; you're letting out pieces of yourself? Clearly from the wrong damn end of the body.
10:36 The great tradition of sending attractive women to present the awards to the geeks continues. This year they got Milla Jojojojojovich
10:38 Why the brown dresses? Ugh. and double ugh. I hate Melissa McCarthy's dress in particular.
10:45 Bored bored boredy boredy boredy bored
10:50 Michael Douglas looks like he's recovered from the cancer quite nicely. Good for him.
10:53 Michel Hazanavicius pulls off an upset, beating out Scorsese for the Best Director. I'm pleased for the fact that a non-traditional project won. But I have a sentimental affection for Scorsese.
11:06 Adding insult to injury, LJ keeps throwing me out and crashing. This is just . . . excruciatingly dull. There's nothing to snark on because there's no meat of any kind here. It's just unutterably bland.
11:13 Natalie Portman looks 12.
11:14 Clooney movie clips! Drink!
11:19 Dude from the Artist wins Best Actor and I just don't give a crap. I'm doing this now only out of a sense of completeness.
11;29 A lifetime achievement award for Meryl Streep who seems so wonderfully grounded about the whole damn thing.
11:34 In a lifetime of doing profoundly boring things, this year's Oscar telecast is one of the most boring things I've ever sat through. I've mentally wandered off for at least the last hour (not helped by LJ's lack of cooperation). And I couldn't care about any of the nominees for Best Picture if my life depended on it.
11:35 The Artist wins Best Picture. Yawn. Time for bed.
Aaaaaand that sucked.
Well, thanks for joining me for this long crappy slog of a night. Even our formidable powers of snark were no match for the complete awfulness of this year's Oscars. Let's all hope for better material next year.
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Date: 2012-02-27 02:32 am (UTC)Jennifer Lopez Wardrobe Malfunction (http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattcherette/did-jennifer-lopez-have-a-nip-slip-at-the-oscars)
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Date: 2012-02-27 03:11 am (UTC)Is there a point to this Wizard of Oz Focus Group thing? Just a way to make the show longer? Why is this here??
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